As most of you know, I originally came out as an atheist on my other blog channel in which I am keeping folks up to date, week by week, on my pregnancy. To read the post, click here. But I've also decided that for my followers to truly understand why I believe the way I do, I'll have to let them into my life, slowly.
Some of these posts will get personal, and some of them, such as this one, maybe not so much. But they will all let you a little further into my mind, and maybe make my feelings a little easier to comprehend. So the overlying question for all of these posts is going to be, "How did I get here?"
Get where? Well to my line of thinking. Today we're going to start with answer number one to that question.
I got fed up with the actions of the 'Christians' in my life.
I know not all Christians act the same, but people can only put up with so much shit before they turn away from something for good. I don't want to make some terrible analogy here, but it's like eating.. you can only put so much into your mouth, chew, and swallow, before your stomach becomes full and you have to walk away. That's exactly what happened. I listened and watched the people around me who called themselves "Christians," and I realized I had enough of their drama, hatred, cruel judgments.. It was time for me to walk away.
So I guess it's example time...
A: A man walks into Hardee's, every single day. He walks to every single unoccupied table and places a note card. On that note card, the Bible verse of the day. He walks into the men's restroom, pulls out his scotch tape, and tapes a note card above each urinal, then one to the inside of the bathroom stall.He then exits the restroom and finds the occupied tables he missed earlier, and goes to the people. "Have you found Jesus?" (person answers) If no, "Let me help you..." If yes, conversation about how great Jesus is begins.
This man goes to church the following Sunday and proceeds to tell the pastor what happened. He tells a tale of how no one is following the word of God, and how the world will surely become condemned to Hell because of the amount of disbelief. What did his pastor say? "YOU ARE NOT GOD, AND NEED TO QUIT TRYING TO ACT LIKE YOU ARE. People are free to believe as they want, and trying to force them to believe in the Lord is not going to make them want to. If someone comes to you with questions, by all means, bring them to the Lord, but until then, you cannot make them believe." The man wouldn't have this, he leaves that church.
This same man, he's a family member, arrives with his wife to Thanksgiving dinner at my house. The television in the living room is on, but dinner is ready. All the men in the living room seem to be talking to one another, and not paying much attention to the television. My mother shuts it off after announcing that the food was ready. There was one person watching that TV. He now insists that our house is filled with the spirit of the devil, because my mom turned the TV off while he was watching it.This insistence continued for SIX years.
Keep in mind, this is only my FIRST example. This man is the first Christian I actually remember in my life, who went to church everyday and read the Bible everyday. He followed the Christian laws, and tried to promote Christianity. But he was also the first person who showed me that if you believed differently than he did, you were WRONG, you were going to hell, and there was no saving you. There was no middle ground, it was his way or he highway, and for the most part humanity didn't deserve to be in God's kingdom, unless they were exactly like him.
B: Open up my computer and log into Facebook.Start scrolling through my newsfeed, laughing at all the pictures, reading the witty updates and song lyrics, then I hit a very, very long update. I decide, well, why the hell not, I'm gonna read it. In the update a "Christian" man calls out a handful of other people for their actions and how they are ungodly, especially from people who "claim to be Christians." He quotes the Bible, showing how he's right. Some of the quotes are out of context, and he's breaking a few bible passage lessons himself. The post makes me want to scream. I comment, calling him out on how his behavior is ungodly, and he flips shit. "This doesn't concern you, stay out of it, blah, blah, blah."
First and foremost, a lesson to all: IF YOU POST SOMETHING ON FACEBOOK, IN A PUBLIC WAY (IE: STATUS UPDATE, GROUP POST, WHATEVER), YOU MAKE IT OTHER PEOPLES' BUSINESS. THERE ARE PRIVATE MESSAGES FOR A REASON! This was the first time I was shown how people misuse, misinterpret, and twist the facts of the Bible to suit their needs. He called these other people hypocrites, because they claim to be Christian then act another way. Yet, after he lived with us for years, I know for a fact that he lies, then turns around and calls himself a Christian. He does other "ungodly" things as well, but it doesn't matter. Just breaking one commandment once will condemn you to Hell (see my blog post from yesterday). The Bible also says not to judge, yet there he was, judging others in an open forum.
C: I'm really trying to believe, to figure out why others believe, and to be a 'Christian' like my mom. I'm going to church every Sunday, and I've finally a found a church that feels like a family. I've bragged to my boyfriend about how great it is, gotten him to help with the Easter play. And I've talked him into to going with me to a service. We walk in with my mom, and along with the program a pamphlet is thrust into my hands. I take my seat, and open it up. I almost get up and walk out. The pamphlet was sent out by MassResistance, a Massachusetts group against the legalization of homosexual marriage. They are listing all the ways it effects everyone in society. Some of the points are straight up dumb, and I'm getting more and more frustrated by the second.
To see the pamphlet, click here.
My two best friends are homosexual. I see no problem with people loving who they want. I don't care if homosexual couples are referred to as normal. I don't care if the Bible states that homosexuality is a sin, it also states that judging others is a sin. But that's what this church was doing! Blatantly and in the open. What the hell does it matter if that person over there is gay? If you yourself are not gay, and aren't judging the person for being gay.. you aren't breaking the rules of the Bible. So what the hell does it matter?!?! Why are you forcing this pamphlet on me? Am I incapable of reading the title and deciding for myself? No, that's not it. This was the first time that I had a body of religious people try to force their agenda and beliefs onto myself, and I didn't like it. This was also the first time, I openly told my mother, I would not be returning to the church.
D: My fiance and I move in together, I become pregnant. We're not yet married. An openly "christian" man then refuses to be our friend because "he doesn't agree with our actions." Yet, he is also openly gay and that's perfectly fine.
That was my last straw. I'm not even going to explain why, because I think it's fairly simple why this kind of behavior would piss me off.
That's not all of them, but I don't feel the need to go into anymore detail. I don't want to constantly repeat myself as to why the actions pissed me off, when they are more-or-less the same, just committed by different people.
Anywho.
Have a great day! And stay tuned for part 2. I've already got an idea brewing so it may be posted sooner than you think. <3
Okay, I'm going to probably be blogging twice today. I was originally going to be blogging once, but I found this gem and thought I would do a single blog about it because the original was getting extremely long.
After checking out Ray Comfort's Facebook page (if you haven't been banned check it out, or read the blog that will be following soon), I found a site listed in his websites. It's called NeedGod. What's it do? Well, you take a simple 8 question test and it provides the answers to two questions:
Are you a good person according to God's standards?
And if so, are you good enough to go to Heaven?
The questions:
1. Have you ever told a lie? Yes, I have told at least one lie or No, I have never told a lie.
2. Have you given money to charity? Yes, I have given money to charity, or No, I have not given money to charity.
3. Have you gone to church regularly? Yes, I have gone to church regularly, or No, I have not gone to church regularly.
4. Have you ever stolen anything (no matter how small)? Yes, I have stolen at least once in my life, or No, I have never stolen anything in my life.
5. Have you ever used "God," "Jesus," or "Christ" as a curse word (ex: 'Oh my G-d!')? Yes, I have used God's name in vain at least once in my life, or No, I have never, even once, used God's name in vain.
6. Have you made it a practice to read the Bible regularly? Yes, I read the Bible regularly, or No, I do not read the Bible regularly.
7. Have you ever looked at someone and had lustful thoughts? Yes, I have lusted at least once in my life, or No, I have never lusted in my life.
8. Have you ever broken the first commandment? (Don't worry there's a link you can follow on the test if you don't know what that it is). Yes, I have broken the first commandment, or No, I have not broken the first commandment.
The first time I took the test, I used my honest answers: Yes, Yes, No, Yes, Yes, No, Yes, and No.
After taking the test you get your "score." With almost every question (not in order) they give you a little paragraph about your answer and what the Bible says about it.
My scoring.
1: Have you ever told a lie?
-The ninth of the ten commandments is "You shall not lie." According to the God's standards, I am a liar. Revelation 21:8 says, "...and all liars - their fate is in the fiery lake of burning sulfur" (NLT).
7: Have you ever looked at someone and had lustful thoughts?
-The seventh of ten commandments is "You shall not commit adultery." According to God's standards, I am an adulterer. "But I say, anyone who anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28, NLT). They also quote 1 Corinthians 6: 9-10, "Those who... commit adultery... -none of these will inherit the kingdom of God" (NLT).
5: Have you ever used "God," "Jesus," Or "Christ" as a curse word?
This one had some really good stuff in it! So here we go, some of it will be word-for-word because it was too good to pass up!
-If you have ever used these as a curse word "what you've done is take the name of the God who gave you life, and you've used it as if it were a "four-letter" filth word to express disgust." According to God's standards, I am a blasphemer. Here they quote Leviticus, "Anyone who blasphemes the name of the Lord must be stoned to death by the whole community of Israel" (24:16, NLT).
2,3,6: Have you given money to charity, gone to church regularly, read the bible regularly?
-"When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags. Like autumn leaves, we wither and fall, and our sins sweep us away like the wind" (Isaiah 64:6, NLT). The site then goes on to say, what this verse pretty much says. The "good deeds" of reading the Bible, going to church, or donating to charity does not make up for the commandments that I have broken. PERIOD.
There is one more, but I'll save that one for later, because it ties in with my main point.
So anyways, according to the site, which says it's according to God's standards, I am guilty. Then you are asked if you believe you would go to Heaven or Hell, I put Hell, because naturally if you're found guilty.. odds are you're going to Hell. I was correct! WOOHOO! I'm going to Hell. I was then asked if that concerned me. Answering honestly, I chose No. This is where they call out the atheists and any other non-believer.
"Perhaps you feel safe because you don't believe in Hell. This can be likened to standing in the middle of a busy highway and shouting, "I don't believe in trucks!" Your belief or disbelief in trucks will not change reality. The same applies here. Your disbelief in Hell will not cause it to cease to exist."
So, for shits and giggles I decided I would go back and retake the test, only this time, I would give the answers dutiful Christians would give (damn near the opposite of EVERY ONE OF MY ANSWERS).
They would be: No, Yes, Yes, No, No, Yes, No, No
And the score?
I'm going to skip over the spiels for the ones I've already covered, and skip to number 8.
8. Have you ever broken the first commandment?
The first commandment is "You shall have no other gods before me." Though they didn't quote scripture (yet) I found a passage that mimics what they said, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind" (Matthew 22:37, NLT). They added in strength. Now, is when they quote the scripture. "The Lord looks down from Heaven on the entire human race; He looks to see if anyone is truly wise, if anyone seeks God. But no, all have turned away; all have become corrupt. Not one does good, not a single one" (Psalm 14: 2-3, NLT)! The site says, that this passage says NO ONE has kept the first commandment, and by stating that I have not broken the first commandment, I am a liar.
Now based on the previous spiels about the answers, do you think I'm going to be found innocent or guilty? Well, I thought innocent... I was wrong. Even though I kept 9 commandments thus far throughout my entire life (false), I didn't keep the first one, so I'm guilty! Now, how about Heaven or Hell? Going with guilty, I picked Hell... And guess what.. I'm still going to HELL!
So, I did it one more time, but I changed the last answer to Yes, I have broken this commandment. And guess what, I'm still guilty. So, for recap: I have kept 9 of the 10 commandments, and admitted my fault in breaking the other. But I'm still guilty. And I would still go to Hell.
This time, since I apparently cannot win, and reaching Heaven is unattainable, I picked Yes, going to hell concerns me. And you know what site said.. IT SHOULD CONCERN ME!
"Hell is so horrible that you would be better off tearing out your own eyes than ending up there for all eternity..." (See Mark 9:43-48). Then it asks if I know what God did so I wouldn't have to spend an eternity in Hell. Just for some more shits and giggles, I picked no.
The start by giving us some very good imagery, of an event that, in our society, would NEVER happen (my imagery will not be as good)!
-You're in court, you've been found guilty of serious crimes, you either pay $500,000 or you go to prison. You're broke, you're going to prison. A random stranger runs up, gives a $500,000 check to the judge, and you are free.
It then goes on to say that this is what God did by sending Jesus to the cross. And that if you repent (CONFESS your sins), you will be allowed into Heaven. Now wait a minute... the last time I took that damn test, I confessed to breaking the first commandment, and I still got sent to Hell?
Then they go on to tell you how to pray. Psalm 51 is supposed to be your model.
It then says that you need to start reading the Bible, everyday. But wait another damn minute... didn't it say earlier that those "good deeds" such as reading the Bible don't matter? Then why do I have to do it?
So my point?
I feel like this test justifies my disbelief. Why would I believe in Christianity when I'm always being told that according to God's standards I'm no-good? I'm a liar, a thief, a blasphemer, my good-deeds don't matter, an adulterer, "illegitimate." Why should I believe in something that constantly tells me I'm guilty? Why should I believe in an afterlife in paradise, when apparently, that afterlife is unobtainable? I don't see any reasons for it.
The "illegitimate part does not come from this test. After some research of my own, I found other ways I would not be "up to God's standards." I was born to a teenage slut, quite literally. She didn't even know what race I was going to be, to this day she doesn't know who my father is. I was, obviously, born out of wedlock, making me "illegitimate." My womb-donor (I was adopted at 5 weeks old) and sperm-donor, will NEVER be married. I will always be "illegitimate." Deuteronomy 23:2 states that any illegitimate child cannot be admitted to the assembly of the Lord, nor can their descendants.
Now before any, possible, Christians reading this jump off the handle about how the test must be rigged, or was probably by some atheist trying to prove a point, scroll down and look at who the test is really by.
Living Waters
In other words: Ray Comfort. You have one of your own to thank for making people feel that Christianity isn't worth the effort, because no matter what they do they can never win.
